I was a good kid growing up. I wasn't perfect, but I was.not.bad. I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't talk back....I got good grades, had a job and did what I was told.
I had a good friend who was also good. We were silly and teen agers and would write notes to each other about being drunk or high. We weren't. We didn't do that. We just wrote about it. We were just being goofy teenagers. I was too scared of my mother to do anything bad.
Didn't my nosey mother find them. Sometimes I was a stupid teenager and didn't get rid of things or hide them well. But then what right did my mother have to go snooping through my stuff? I was good. I gave her nothing to snoop about. But snoop she did anyway.
Anyway, she found these notes, assumed the worst, never asking me about them, called a "family meeting" (whatever that was. really, just a way to embarrass me in front of the whole family) and then told me I had to drop my friend. Or else. Or else she was going to send me to live in the city with my grandmother, because she didn't know how to deal with me.
There wasn't anything to deal with. I was a goody two shoes. I never did anything wrong. I just wrote about it.. And so it was just another instance in which I felt unwanted by my mother. She couldn't deal with me, so her answer was to send me away? It killed me. That I was such a problem that she didn't know what to do with me, so get rid of me. I didn't do anything!
So I dropped my friend so I could stay home. In retrospect, maybe I should have gone to live with my grandma. I know she loved me.
Yeah, there were some good times in there somewhere, but these times I felt my mother did not want me are the ones I remember the clearest. And they are the ones that have formed me into who I am today. Because I will NEVER let my kids think I don't want them. So I guess I can say thanks for that much.
I had a good friend who was also good. We were silly and teen agers and would write notes to each other about being drunk or high. We weren't. We didn't do that. We just wrote about it. We were just being goofy teenagers. I was too scared of my mother to do anything bad.
Didn't my nosey mother find them. Sometimes I was a stupid teenager and didn't get rid of things or hide them well. But then what right did my mother have to go snooping through my stuff? I was good. I gave her nothing to snoop about. But snoop she did anyway.
Anyway, she found these notes, assumed the worst, never asking me about them, called a "family meeting" (whatever that was. really, just a way to embarrass me in front of the whole family) and then told me I had to drop my friend. Or else. Or else she was going to send me to live in the city with my grandmother, because she didn't know how to deal with me.
There wasn't anything to deal with. I was a goody two shoes. I never did anything wrong. I just wrote about it.. And so it was just another instance in which I felt unwanted by my mother. She couldn't deal with me, so her answer was to send me away? It killed me. That I was such a problem that she didn't know what to do with me, so get rid of me. I didn't do anything!
So I dropped my friend so I could stay home. In retrospect, maybe I should have gone to live with my grandma. I know she loved me.
Yeah, there were some good times in there somewhere, but these times I felt my mother did not want me are the ones I remember the clearest. And they are the ones that have formed me into who I am today. Because I will NEVER let my kids think I don't want them. So I guess I can say thanks for that much.
Posts
