fair

I've been meaning to write this post, but then something comes up and I write about something else or just forget altogether.  I want to be fair here to my my mother.  Well sort of. It's my blog and I can do what I want....

Anyway, I know I wrote about her sending up a Christmas box to DH and there was not a thing in it for me. Well, after talking about what to do with it for a while, DH decided to call her before sending his packages back. Could be my mother sent me something separately and it got lost on the way. Or she would at least say that. Yep, that's how she works. Never her fault.....always someone elses.

So DH called her. This was a while ago now. He got an earful. But to his credit, he did not get into a fight with her. He said she sounded old and hurt. And when he got off the phone with her he was leaning towards me calling and apologizing to her. Argh. Of course she told him listed EVERYTHING she had done for us in the past. And told him the girls never call her. And when she calls them they have nothing to say.....blah, blah, blah. And blah, blah, blah.

I was not impressed. Or swayed. To me it was the same old shit. Blame someone else and NEVER acknowledge you could have done something wrong. To me, the kicker was she asked him why I never talked to about it (florida, I guess) and tell her how I felt. I did actually LOL at that. I have NEVER told my mother how I felt. About anything. Ever. I didn't trust what she would do with my feelings, so I didn't share them. And in that respect I know I am different than her because my girls tell me everything. Every Little Thing. Sometimes too much, but I am so thankful that DD1 will call me from school and tell me what is going on her her life, and love life. I will never betray that trust. Except maybe here, but she doesn't know about this blog. At least I don't think so. But she is a good kid anyway, so there isn't much to talk about....

Anyway, getting sidetracked here.....I was trying to be fair to my mother. Doesn't seem to be working.....my Dad came to our house for Thanksgiving. My mother was in Florida, go figure. After he left, he called and asked f I had found a bag marked for us and something about plates. I said would keep an eye out for them. Eventually I found a bag with our name on it in the garage. In it were 3 shirts, unwrapped marked for us girls. No plates. And he called a coulpe more times about these plates. Honest to God, I had no idea what he was talking about and I was getting tired of hearing about them. I didn't have them, and didn't know where they were.

So now we can fast forward to DH's call.....after he got his earful, he was finally able to get a word in and asked if there was a gift for me on the way. She told him that I should have gotten a shirt (That would be an unwrapped shirt in the store bag) and plates. Those damn plates. What plates? The plates that my dad lost somewhere between here and there. They were supposed to be my Christmas present. No one told me the plates were for me. And no one told me they were supposed to be my gift. If someone would have said something, the whole Christmas box incident could have been avoided, but I guess I was supposed to know these plates he asked me about were mine.

So, to be fair, my mother did send gifts up for me. A Christmas shirt I'm sure she got on clearance and just stuck in a bag, and plates I have never seen. I still don't know what plates they are talking about. But I wasn't intentionally screwed, it was her underhanded, more typical burn. Her, "I made an effort, it's not my fault" line. *sigh*

Lately I have been feeling better about all of this. We still aren't talking, but it hasn't been depressing me as much. I guess I am coming to grips with that fact that we will never have a normal relationship. Whatever normal is. Maybe I am just finally accepting her for what she is....someone who is selfish, not nurturing and wasn't really meant to be a mom. Oh and DH did send his gifts back with a note saying we didn't want to exchange gifts with them anymore. They can send the kids gifts, but as adults, we don't need to exchange anymore. I thought that would get me a phone call from my dad, but I haven't heard from him......

My mother did send me an email. She uses my credit card to buy some stuff wholesale and wanted to know if she could place an order. That's all she wrote. I said sure, because I think I would have started WWIII if I would have said no. She already sent me a check for the amount, so that's okay. We'll see if it leads to anything else. I won't hold my breath.