bed

This morning I woke up a few minutes before the alarm went off.  Then it went off and I got up to start another day.  As I was laying there, waiting, I seriously considered going back to bed once I saw DD2 get on the bus.  My bed is so comfy and warm.  And I hate starting the day out tired.  But here I sit typing away....which is probably better than going back to bed anyway, because who knows when I would crawl out of it.

My one wise reader left me a comment about last night's post...."I have to make myself think differently before I start feeling differently." And yes, that does apply to me. I think when I start my day, I see so much stuff I need to do. Things that need to get done. Those are the things I can do. Then there are the things I can't do.....and I think it is the can't do's that get me started. And I start feeling bad.

I know I am not superwoman, and I can't solve all the world's problems, but there are a few close to home I would like to fix. I guess maybe I need to find a way to do that.....in my spare time. Which I am using now to ramble. I'm gonna get a shower and do something. At least I didn't go back to bed.

Oh, and don't hate me, but I am not going to watch the inauguration. I don't hate the new president, but I do hate all the hype surrounding him. Really, people, he is NOT the second coming. Get.a.grip.

blue

is not my favorite color.  I am feeling blue today.  I don't know why.  I just am.  And blue may not be a strong enough word.  Maybe depressed is.  And I still don't know what brought this on.   Maybe it is just everything happening altogether.  I don't know.  It's just left me feeling yukky and wanting to express myself and hide under a rock.

So much so, that I even started a new blog today. Well I signed up for one. Why? Because I wanted somewhere where I could be completely honest and truthful. And no one would know me or nuthin. Like anyone knows me here. Or even reads me. Thank you MLS for reading me and leaving me comments.

I don't feel like posting at my other blog. My happy place. That just isn't me right now. I should be happy but I am not. And I don't want to write a cute, happy post just because....and I can't be my authentic self (thanks dr phil) there cause I don't know who all is reading and I guess I don't want to shock anyone with my real self. Does that makes sense? It did earlier when I was signing up for the new blog, but then I decided 3 blogs would be too much for me to keep track of, so here I am here.

Most all of the blogs I follow are happy, cheerful blogs. Sure, some bad things may happen and are mentioned, but there never seems to be much reality. Or maybe they really do live happy cheerful lives and I am just cynical and think they don't.

Anyway, I need to be real. I have so many thoughts in my head, and that one voice I always fight with....right now it is pretty darn negative. And so this blog is going to be my place to be real. Cause if I don't get this stuff out of my head, I am going to lose it.

And yeah, I am just rambling here w/o really saying anything, aren't I? Okay, I feel guilty. Because my life is good. And so many other peoples' lives aren't. We aren't rich, but we have money. And we both have jobs. Things are fine. But my sil is not fine and I don't know how to help her and I feel guilty that we are okay, and she is not.

I also feel guilty because my life is good and I am not happy. It's not that I am not happy with my life, I am just not happy right now. Eventually it will pass. And maybe faster if I get it all out of my head. I know if you have schizophrenia, you hear voices. I only hear one voice.....and I wish it would just go a-way!

Wait, wait! It's not that I am not happy with my life, and it's not that I am not happy right now, it's that I am not happy with myself. There, I wrote it out loud. I am not happy with myself. I.am.not.happy.with.myself.  I need to think on this.....will post more next time.