is not my favorite color. I am feeling blue today. I don't know why. I just am. And blue may not be a strong enough word. Maybe depressed is. And I still don't know what brought this on. Maybe it is just everything happening altogether. I don't know. It's just left me feeling yukky and wanting to express myself and hide under a rock.
So much so, that I even started a new blog today. Well I signed up for one. Why? Because I wanted somewhere where I could be completely honest and truthful. And no one would know me or nuthin. Like anyone knows me here. Or even reads me. Thank you MLS for reading me and leaving me comments.
I don't feel like posting at my other blog. My happy place. That just isn't me right now. I should be happy but I am not. And I don't want to write a cute, happy post just because....and I can't be my authentic self (thanks dr phil) there cause I don't know who all is reading and I guess I don't want to shock anyone with my real self. Does that makes sense? It did earlier when I was signing up for the new blog, but then I decided 3 blogs would be too much for me to keep track of, so here I am here.
Most all of the blogs I follow are happy, cheerful blogs. Sure, some bad things may happen and are mentioned, but there never seems to be much reality. Or maybe they really do live happy cheerful lives and I am just cynical and think they don't.
Anyway, I need to be real. I have so many thoughts in my head, and that one voice I always fight with....right now it is pretty darn negative. And so this blog is going to be my place to be real. Cause if I don't get this stuff out of my head, I am going to lose it.
And yeah, I am just rambling here w/o really saying anything, aren't I? Okay, I feel guilty. Because my life is good. And so many other peoples' lives aren't. We aren't rich, but we have money. And we both have jobs. Things are fine. But my sil is not fine and I don't know how to help her and I feel guilty that we are okay, and she is not.
I also feel guilty because my life is good and I am not happy. It's not that I am not happy with my life, I am just not happy right now. Eventually it will pass. And maybe faster if I get it all out of my head. I know if you have schizophrenia, you hear voices. I only hear one voice.....and I wish it would just go a-way!
Wait, wait! It's not that I am not happy with my life, and it's not that I am not happy right now, it's that I am not happy with myself. There, I wrote it out loud. I am not happy with myself. I.am.not.happy.with.myself. I need to think on this.....will post more next time.
So much so, that I even started a new blog today. Well I signed up for one. Why? Because I wanted somewhere where I could be completely honest and truthful. And no one would know me or nuthin. Like anyone knows me here. Or even reads me. Thank you MLS for reading me and leaving me comments.
I don't feel like posting at my other blog. My happy place. That just isn't me right now. I should be happy but I am not. And I don't want to write a cute, happy post just because....and I can't be my authentic self (thanks dr phil) there cause I don't know who all is reading and I guess I don't want to shock anyone with my real self. Does that makes sense? It did earlier when I was signing up for the new blog, but then I decided 3 blogs would be too much for me to keep track of, so here I am here.
Most all of the blogs I follow are happy, cheerful blogs. Sure, some bad things may happen and are mentioned, but there never seems to be much reality. Or maybe they really do live happy cheerful lives and I am just cynical and think they don't.
Anyway, I need to be real. I have so many thoughts in my head, and that one voice I always fight with....right now it is pretty darn negative. And so this blog is going to be my place to be real. Cause if I don't get this stuff out of my head, I am going to lose it.
And yeah, I am just rambling here w/o really saying anything, aren't I? Okay, I feel guilty. Because my life is good. And so many other peoples' lives aren't. We aren't rich, but we have money. And we both have jobs. Things are fine. But my sil is not fine and I don't know how to help her and I feel guilty that we are okay, and she is not.
I also feel guilty because my life is good and I am not happy. It's not that I am not happy with my life, I am just not happy right now. Eventually it will pass. And maybe faster if I get it all out of my head. I know if you have schizophrenia, you hear voices. I only hear one voice.....and I wish it would just go a-way!
Wait, wait! It's not that I am not happy with my life, and it's not that I am not happy right now, it's that I am not happy with myself. There, I wrote it out loud. I am not happy with myself. I.am.not.happy.with.myself. I need to think on this.....will post more next time.
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1 comments:
I've been wondering about you since you haven't been posting. Sweetie, when everyone writes about how blissfully happy they are (me in included) they are only leaving out the bad parts because they/we don't want to admit we/they have any unhappiness in our/their lives. I've found a lot of my happiness comes from my own attitude. If I dwell on things I don't have or can't do or think about things I'd rather be doing....then I'm really unhappy and that spills over to everyone close to me. I have to make myself think differently before I start feeling differently. I know none of this probably fits you, but I'm only trying to say that it's not just you, my dear. It's the whole world......if we'd all be truthful.
I love reading your posts, btw, and honored that I found you.
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